Yep...Shawn and I had to take that wonderful test again recently. The results are in...and Shawn had results this time! :) When we went over then with the counselor I had to laugh. Being a psychology major in college I think I have done every personality and psychological test there is. Many times I think we read into them what we want to see, and I am not so sure how much stock to put in them. But this one...well, the results were scarily accurate!
The counselor says, "So Heather, your results all came back within the normal range [really?!?!] but it does show that you are prone to outbursts of anger and can have an addictive personality. What do you think of that?" What do I think of that? Pass the chocolate and get on with it, Mr. Shrink! (OK...so I didn't quite respond that way!)
These last few weeks I have struggled with numerous outbursts of insecurity, anger, pride, impatience, and selfishness. There is no real reason for this other than the simple fact that I have not been resting in my Father's love for me. I am a naturally passionate person, and that leads to outbursts of all sorts of emotions if I am not allowing who I am in Christ to temper it. It also explains my addictive personality! If I like something (or someone) I really like it. And if I don't - well, I just don't. That second part can be a problem when I am trying to tell people of God's unconditional and absolute love for them, but I can't stand to spend 5 minutes with them!
But I had to laugh because it IS the way my personality is bent - to look at things in extremes; to be passionate and impatient about getting to the results of things and steam-rolling people who get in my way; to desire things (good or bad) to such and extent that I can't focus on anything else. That is who I am...without Christ.
But I am NOT without Christ. And the truth is I need to start living as though I actually believe this. Life is not going to get easier. People are not going to always like me naturally - nor I them. We will get in each others way, step on toes, hurt each other, annoy one another, and just plain be mean. Circumstances will take our breath away - death, destruction, and atrocious things will continue in this world because it is broken. And so am I - my personalty and the way I respond. Or at least I was - until I understood what HE did for me. Now I am no longer that person and I do not have to respond that in that impatient, unloving, selfish way. I was crucified with Christ therefore I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
Walking in step with the Spirit means that I can take that crazy passion that often comes out in anger and selfishness and instead allow it to overflow and burst out with love, compassion, and steadfastness. Instead of the goal-oriented-push-everyone-outta - my -way attitude I can push ahead and go after things that are for others and encourage them to step out of comfort zones and walk with me. I can take that addictive "I love, REALLY love something" bent and really understand that "To live is Christ, but to die is gain." Circumstances would no longer have to affect me, because I could love Christ so much and desire after him so that it is all I see, all I long for.
When I first thought about the results of the test, I thought, "How can this change." Now as I have talked with Shawn and prayed and listened I realize I should be asking, "Spirit, how can you use this for your kingdom? I am passionate, impulsive, and an addict in the making...what can you do with this?" I think he will not change that - he created me, after all. He will just turn those things back from the broken way they come out to the healed and whole way he desired them to appear in the first place.
So thank you, MMPI. You have helped me realize the that He really is carrying out the work he has started in me. And it is good.
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