Skip to main content

He won't relent

Tonight at our prayer and praise night for compelled, the worship leader lead us in a song called You Won't Relent The words are as follows:

"You won't relent until you have it all - my heart is yours.
I'll set you as a seal upon my heart,
as a seal upon my arms.
For there is love that is as strong as death;
Jealousy demanding as the grave;
and many waters cannot quench this love.

Come be the fire inside of me,
come be the flame upon my heart
come be the fire inside of me
until you and I are one

I don't want to talk about you like you're not in this room;
I wanna look right at you, wanna sing right to you

You won't relent until you have it all -my heart is yours."

I have sung this song before. And as a worship team leader I am constantly scouring youtube, worship boards and other places to find new songs to introduce. I see many! And being a person who is highly affected by music and the lyrics, I like many of them. But tonight as we sang this one, the words penetrated deeply. There is so much meaning to this song, but the words that lept out to me were the ones about what I wanted, not what God desired and did. Not the response a worship song usually has on me, to be sure.

These last few years I have often felt as though God was quiet to me. Too quiet. My relationship with him had always been one of almost audible communication both ways. I heard him and felt him as though he were right there- as he is. But it seems that he wanted me to experience him as a still, small voice - and sometimes even a complete silence. I knew in my head that this was a good thing. I want to experience God in new depths and ways that I have not before. I desire deep, intimate relationship with my Savior. Yet, after three years of "the silent treatment" I was at a point where I was begging him to let me know him in that way again. As the song lyrics said, "I don't wanna talk about you like you're not in this room. I wanna look right at you, wanna sing right to you." I had known this relationship with my Jesus for most of my life, and I missed it, longed for it, prayed for it again.

Today, on the way up to my phlebotomy class (which is an hour and15 minute drive) I turned the music off and just started praying. And as I did, something started breaking in me. I could feel these weights lifted. I was weeping-not with sadness, but rather with that overflowing emotion of understanding and feeling and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt his love for me. and it was so intense!

Nothing changed. God is the same today as he was yesterday, the same as these last three years, and who he will be tomorrow, regardless of how he chooses to meet me. I did not do anything different than I have been doing for years. I prayed and waited. I relinquished things and people to him - not the first time, and certainly not the last. I confessed and sang and prayed and wept and laughed. I rebuked spirits not from him and felt the lightness that accompanies a soul newly clean. And I remembered that in all this time of silence, he did not leave me, he did not relent in his love and passion and joy for me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bookends of Beauty

I love the bride of Christ.

I know that many of you reading this have seen the ugly, the broken, the spiteful.  It has been aimed at you or someone you love and the hurt has caused so much pain that you ran.  Maybe you are still physically present, but your heart is not fully in.  I understand.  We've been in full time ministry for 23 years now.  You can't be in this type of life without experiencing some of that ugliness - or handing it our yourself. 

However, I have been reminded again recently how beautiful it can be when it is done as a picture of Him. 

In the last few churches that we have been at where Shawn has pastored we have had a point in our time there where we had to admit that we couldn't do it anymore.  These churches in the States were ones that were under redevelopment - meaning on the brink of closing for one reason or another - and we were brought in to see if there was any health left and to push it in that direction if the answer was yes.  That means …

Kwaheri Kenya

It's my last night calling Africa home.

I feel like the last several weeks I have been on auto pilot - doing the things I needed to do to wrap up work well and get things in place.  This week we had a lot of goodbyes, however my eyes stayed dry and my emotions in check.

But today...

What a hard, beautiful, honoring, loving, joy and sorrow filled day.

I was standing and looking out the window tonight and feeling like this chapter has come to a close.  I don't just mean Kenya - though that is the immediate, in-your-face thing.  But this dream of living in Africa.  Ever since we spent the year in Malawi I have longed to come back and live.  We lived in the most rural you possibly could in South Sudan to the crazy chaos of Nairobi in Kenya, as well as the in-between in Blantyre.  I've seen poverty I could never have imagined, and money that I never knew existed.  I've lived on the brink of war and through insane elections.  And I've shown off this life I've loved …

Tremble

Listening to music always speaks to my heart in ways that seem to break through even my most grumpy, tired, or distant flesh.  I have a current favorite right now that I could listen to non-stop, and whenever I hear it I feel like my emotions explode to the surface. 

"Peace, bring it all to peace
The storm surrounding me
Let it break at your name..."

If you've listened to Christian radio or worship in a place in with contemporary music at all you've probably heard the song "Tremble."  It's not new.  Nor is it filled with a truth I have not heard before.  But something in these lyrics touches me deeply in this time of my life.

Right before we left Kenya I spoke at our church ladies retreat.  One of the things we talked about the first night was how we are in a battle.  We so often and so easily believe the lies that are whispered to us from Satan and shouted to us from the world about who we are, our worth, and our identity.  The longer we allow these l…