Skip to main content

laughing at myself

If you knew me in high school and even college, but have not seen me much since then, you may not recognize me. I'm not just talking the extra weight gain (though that is true, also!) but rather the fact that I was quite shy and quiet around most people during that time of life. My closest friends would laugh at that statement- they saw me when I was comfortable and able to be myself more. As an adult I feel like I have become more comfortable in my own skin in many ways. I know my roles for the most part, and have worked on becoming the best I can be in those roles whether that is as a wife, mom, pastor's wife, friend, daughter, etc.

In that, though, I realize what a perfectionist I can be when it comes to what I expect from myself. And when I have a longer period of time of "learning" and not "excelling" than I think I should, I get really impatient, self conscious, and insecure again. This phlebotomy thing is a good example of that. I was so nervous going last week to take blood, and my hands were shaking (not something you want to see on a person coming at you with a needle!) When I couldn't find a vein on the first guy, and then had another guy faint on me I got a little scared that I would never get the hang of it. I want to be that person that everyone leaves and says, "Wow, I didn't feel a thing!" Yet I am in the beginning of my training, and I know that last statement is not true! :)

After talking with my patient and encouraging trainer, and venting to Shawn who reminded me that I am ridiculous with my expectations sometimes, I went back this morning with more confidence. My prayer on the way was, "Help me not hurt people any more than necessary!" A little different from last week! hahaha And this was a great morning with an easier time finding veins, more confidence in the sticking, and an ability to laugh at myself.




I am constantly having to remind myself of that last part - the ability to laugh at myself. Not just in phlebotomy, but in life. I remember as a teenager feeling like having people laugh at me was the worst thing ever. I am quite certain in the next couple of years as we adjust to a new culture, learn a new language, and enter another phase of life I will need to be able to shake things off a little more, or life will be so overwhelming!

This training reminded me of my training in thankfulness (yes, that is what I am doing...training my mind and heart to see God in all things and therefor be thankful!) Learning to laugh at oneself seems like it goes along with living a life of gratefulness. Funny how that works!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bookends of Beauty

I love the bride of Christ.

I know that many of you reading this have seen the ugly, the broken, the spiteful.  It has been aimed at you or someone you love and the hurt has caused so much pain that you ran.  Maybe you are still physically present, but your heart is not fully in.  I understand.  We've been in full time ministry for 23 years now.  You can't be in this type of life without experiencing some of that ugliness - or handing it our yourself. 

However, I have been reminded again recently how beautiful it can be when it is done as a picture of Him. 

In the last few churches that we have been at where Shawn has pastored we have had a point in our time there where we had to admit that we couldn't do it anymore.  These churches in the States were ones that were under redevelopment - meaning on the brink of closing for one reason or another - and we were brought in to see if there was any health left and to push it in that direction if the answer was yes.  That means …

Kwaheri Kenya

It's my last night calling Africa home.

I feel like the last several weeks I have been on auto pilot - doing the things I needed to do to wrap up work well and get things in place.  This week we had a lot of goodbyes, however my eyes stayed dry and my emotions in check.

But today...

What a hard, beautiful, honoring, loving, joy and sorrow filled day.

I was standing and looking out the window tonight and feeling like this chapter has come to a close.  I don't just mean Kenya - though that is the immediate, in-your-face thing.  But this dream of living in Africa.  Ever since we spent the year in Malawi I have longed to come back and live.  We lived in the most rural you possibly could in South Sudan to the crazy chaos of Nairobi in Kenya, as well as the in-between in Blantyre.  I've seen poverty I could never have imagined, and money that I never knew existed.  I've lived on the brink of war and through insane elections.  And I've shown off this life I've loved …

Tremble

Listening to music always speaks to my heart in ways that seem to break through even my most grumpy, tired, or distant flesh.  I have a current favorite right now that I could listen to non-stop, and whenever I hear it I feel like my emotions explode to the surface. 

"Peace, bring it all to peace
The storm surrounding me
Let it break at your name..."

If you've listened to Christian radio or worship in a place in with contemporary music at all you've probably heard the song "Tremble."  It's not new.  Nor is it filled with a truth I have not heard before.  But something in these lyrics touches me deeply in this time of my life.

Right before we left Kenya I spoke at our church ladies retreat.  One of the things we talked about the first night was how we are in a battle.  We so often and so easily believe the lies that are whispered to us from Satan and shouted to us from the world about who we are, our worth, and our identity.  The longer we allow these l…