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I am slightly obsessed with doing puzzles.  Usually this happens each winter when I want to hibernate and start to get bored.  But for some reason this season I have continued doing them even with nice(ish) weather.  And it's not just a puzzle here and there.  Anna and I went to the dollar store a few different times and bought a bunch of simple 500 piece puzzles.  And they are mostly all done.

As I was finishing one today and feeling so accomplished, it dawned on me that is probably why I am having puzzle overload is one of the only things in my life I have any control over right now; one of the only things that I can can "complete" and get done.

Support raising continues to be one of the hardest things we have ever done (and we have been in some crazy churches!)  The worst part is that there are days where we wake up and wonder, "What exactly are we supposed to be doing today?"  We can put in days of work in a mailing, or calling people, planning parties, having face-to-faces, etc - yet we really have no control over what the outcome of any of those things are.

At least when you are doing a "normal" job you can make goals, have plans to reach them, then start checking off that list.  No matter how many things I "accomplish" and how many checks I make, I never know if any of it mattered that day.

Doing my puzzle I can see the end result.  I know each piece being put in is like a check on my list and it will make a compete thing that will be done as fast as I can do it.

As fast as I can do it...and there's the problem.

I am a stinky wait-er.  And it is even worse when I am not sure why I am waiting - when there is no clear or logical reason to be sitting and waiting.  I want to do something.  I want to be in control of how things play out.  The fact that He has called me to a place like Africa must really be making God chuckle sometimes.

It's not about me doing it.  It's about me obeying and taking whatever steps he says and waiting on him to make it happen. AND IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!!  But I am trying, and he is teaching me.  My prayers for the miraculous to happen and for us to get to Africa ASAP will not stop, but each day we are trying to say, "Help me enjoy this day, this journey."  Some days we are better at it than others - this week we were terrible at it!  

Thanks for your prayers of encouragement, miracles, faith, and hope! (And patience...I guess.)  ;)


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